I despise anti-piracy adverts. I despise pretty much everything to do with the notion of "fighting piracy".
No, I don't hate artists, writers, filmmakers or game designers. I want them to do well for themselves.
But the entire pirate witch hunt (and I mean it, that's what it's escalating into) seems to me so much worse. Not because of any kind of legal reason, but because it's just so fucking stupid. Most these people don't have a clue what they're talking about and the rest are just assholes.
Really, from DRM to most anti-piracy adverts, it all feels like an attack on the viewer's character and an accusation against their morality, even once you ignore the parts that are outright propaganda.
With DRM, you essentially accuse your entire market of being thieves- AFTER they've paid for the product. If a car dealer started doing exactly what game publishers do with DRM, he'd basically be hiring a guy to follow you home after you buy the car, to make sure you don't try any funny business like lending it to your non-car-owning sister or something. It does exactly fuck all to the real "thieves" and only inconveniences the paying customer.
And the anti-piracy adverts. The unskippable ones that run before DVDs, and films in cinemas?
Preaching to the converted. It's just glaring angrily at paying customers and saying "I've got my eye on you...". It's also fucking annoying. No, these people are not going to kill your industry any more than cassette tape recorders destroyed the music industry back in the '80s. As Gabe Newell said, "Piracy is a service problem.", and if people aren't paying full price to see your damn movie it's not because they want to kick you in the balls, it's because something else is deterring them. Perhaps it's your prices. Perhaps its the fact the movie sucks ass. Perhaps it IS your annoying, morally-accusing adverts- pirates can edit those out, you know.
In my entire film-watching, music-listening, game-playing "career" as a law-abiding consumer, I have exactly once seen a *good* example of anti-piracy measures (Valve notwithstanding).
It was an advert that played on a rental DVD I got from LoveFilm (speaking of which, how does the rental industry not hurt the film/game industry in the same way piracy and preowned supposedly do?).
It simply said, "By purchasing this DVD, you are supporting the UK Film Industry! THANK YOU!". I felt all warm and fuzzy and really did feel sad that the film was a rental rather than one I'd actually bought.
That's how it's done, people. Don't treat paying customers like shit because you need a scapegoat for your shoddy service. Thank those customers for their commitment and help.
Your customers are not beneath you, consumers are not livestock and they do not depend on you. Some of them are smart and most of them don't like being screwed around.
Be nice to them. Don't rip them off. Let them know you appreciate their business.
Put customer loyalty before excess profits and do business with a smile, a handshake and a bit of good old fashioned integrity.
Bad service is piracy's greatest advertisement.
Sometimes I swear I'm practically the only person in the world who understands how to run a gorram business.
Aaand I'm done.
We Have Everything.
Sometimes I step back and look at just how much we have that we take for granted that our ancestors never dreamed of, and others in the world still don't have.
I remember, back in college, I was on an "Entry to Employment" course that, really, is geared toward dropouts and people who just don't know how to function in society. Or at least, that's what you'd deduce from most the students anyway. It was great- thanks to the magic of tax-payer-funded education incentives (read: EMA) I was actually getting paid for the simple enjoyable pleasure of being the smartest person in the room all day long. Even learned to cook chicken curry.
Anyway. One particular exercise saw everyone issued with Argos catalogues and told to furnish a 3-room bedsit (bedroom, kitchen, bathroom) on a £1000 budget. Assume there's already a cooker, shower and some cupboards. It was a simple enough exercise so long as your idea of budgeting is in roughly the same ballpark as "avoid the most expensive thing in the book".
I don't remember how many people in the class had an easy time with it (I challenge anyone to go do this for yourself, it's not all too hard). But I do remember one particular girl who insisted on picking out a medium-sized high-definition television priced at about half her budget. And, despite that this wasn't even a real situation, she stubbornly refused to be talked out of it because of how great it was. Naturally she couldn't stick to the budget. I just included a modestly-priced regular-definition TV, and with all else said and done still had enough budget left for a Gamecube bundle. (Entertainment is good but not as important as other things...)
This is a bit of an extreme example, for sure, but it really goes to show that people take a lot for granted.
Maybe we aren't all so crazy over our HDTVs (though I'm probably the only person I know who doesn't have one I'm sure many of you can exist without such a thing if the need arose) but nonetheless there are many things in our everyday lives that we think of as "essentials" and act with a degree of urgency over the loss of, that other people on this very planet will never own or see.
It became serious fucking business for half my family when the TV downstairs broke. If your refrigerator broke, you'd probably seek an immediate replacement because you just can't function for a week without it.
Just look at the sheer power that we, the First-World People wield in our everyday lives:
Right from the start of your day, you (usually) wake up wrapped in a warm bundle of fine blankets and sheets and such.
As you leave your bed, you probably enjoy the existence of central heating, which allows you to comfortably strut around all but naked when there's a foot of snow outside.
As you reach your bathroom you summon forth as much of Earth's most important resource- water- as you could possibly need and then some, not to mention adjusting the pressure and temperature of it to your exact preferences, only ever having it too hot or cold for a second or so.
You likely use yet more water to dispose of your... well, you know. Do you even know how it works? Once upon a time people just dug a hole in the ground and left it at that. Now you use a significant amount of water to blast it into a vast series of underground tubes that take it to I-don't-even-fucking-know-where.
As your day goes on, you often access a machine that continually drains electricity- commonly created by burning our ever decreasing supply of fossil fuels many miles from you- to keep your food at a cool, sterile temperature. This used to just be achieved by putting things in a backroom without central heating to screw it all up, but our own slavery to convenience demands innovation to support itself.
You probably use other similar machines to heat up and cook your food quickly on demand, clean your clothes, wash your dishes and everything else besides. We even rely on our machines to tell us what time it is.
And you probably travel quite often in a highly complex heavy metal box on wheels that can if misused cause serious harm to others. And is more than likely only useful for travelling along specially-made surfaces (read: roads), which just so happen to be everywhere thanks to the hard work of people who like roads more than they like fields, forests and wildlife.
To any civilization pre-1900s having all or any of this would make me look like some sort of amazing wizard. Hell, there are still people in the world today who get by without any of it and maybe don't even know it all exists.
And yet, most of us who do use it all don't have a damn clue how any of it works. We just tell our robot slaves what we want, and then we have it.
And we've learned to depend on all these things, these things that nobody else ever had. This isn't some moral judgement. I'm exactly the same. It's an observation.
And here I am, telling you about it from an elaborate, complicated machine connected without a wire to an infinitely sized communications network and information database. I am putting this silly blog post into the greatest archive of information to have existed in all of human history. A network that can be accessed by anyone, from almost anywhere, to obtain any kind of information on anything they can imagine.
We have, at our fingertips and in the palms of our hands, the product of centuries of technological advancement and human achievement- we're at the endgame here, we have the means to all but instantaneously beam messages and information from anywhere to anywhere.We have in our hands the means to learn almost anything about anything. This is power, people. The most amazing power to ever exist.
And we use it... to do what? Share hundreds of pictures of your drunk self? Watch videos of cute puppies? Play videogames with irate strangers? Look at me, ranting about it.
We are a worthless bunch of ingrates who wield more power than we care to even try to understand, and have no idea where it comes from or what we can achieve with it.
I am living a life of pure decadent luxury built on the sweat and blood of centuries of hard-working men who achieved great things- right from the agricultural revolution all the way to the invention of social networking. And I do what to honour their efforts and sacrifices?
I sweep floors and upsell carbonated beverages. I'm a nobody, a background person that nobody, least of all the history books, gives a damn about.
And maybe that's all I'll ever be. That's true of many billions of now-dead people after all. But to not at least try to achieve something with all that I have been given would be an insult to the efforts of thousands of people who did so much more with so much less. And to those who never had the chance.
I am going to try. I will try to achieve something. I am going to fly, or I am going to burn trying. To quote a song from the creator of one of my favourite webcomics, at least Icarus didn't die of skin cancer.
Rant over.
I remember, back in college, I was on an "Entry to Employment" course that, really, is geared toward dropouts and people who just don't know how to function in society. Or at least, that's what you'd deduce from most the students anyway. It was great- thanks to the magic of tax-payer-funded education incentives (read: EMA) I was actually getting paid for the simple enjoyable pleasure of being the smartest person in the room all day long. Even learned to cook chicken curry.
Anyway. One particular exercise saw everyone issued with Argos catalogues and told to furnish a 3-room bedsit (bedroom, kitchen, bathroom) on a £1000 budget. Assume there's already a cooker, shower and some cupboards. It was a simple enough exercise so long as your idea of budgeting is in roughly the same ballpark as "avoid the most expensive thing in the book".
I don't remember how many people in the class had an easy time with it (I challenge anyone to go do this for yourself, it's not all too hard). But I do remember one particular girl who insisted on picking out a medium-sized high-definition television priced at about half her budget. And, despite that this wasn't even a real situation, she stubbornly refused to be talked out of it because of how great it was. Naturally she couldn't stick to the budget. I just included a modestly-priced regular-definition TV, and with all else said and done still had enough budget left for a Gamecube bundle. (Entertainment is good but not as important as other things...)
This is a bit of an extreme example, for sure, but it really goes to show that people take a lot for granted.
Maybe we aren't all so crazy over our HDTVs (though I'm probably the only person I know who doesn't have one I'm sure many of you can exist without such a thing if the need arose) but nonetheless there are many things in our everyday lives that we think of as "essentials" and act with a degree of urgency over the loss of, that other people on this very planet will never own or see.
It became serious fucking business for half my family when the TV downstairs broke. If your refrigerator broke, you'd probably seek an immediate replacement because you just can't function for a week without it.
Just look at the sheer power that we, the First-World People wield in our everyday lives:
Right from the start of your day, you (usually) wake up wrapped in a warm bundle of fine blankets and sheets and such.
As you leave your bed, you probably enjoy the existence of central heating, which allows you to comfortably strut around all but naked when there's a foot of snow outside.
As you reach your bathroom you summon forth as much of Earth's most important resource- water- as you could possibly need and then some, not to mention adjusting the pressure and temperature of it to your exact preferences, only ever having it too hot or cold for a second or so.
You likely use yet more water to dispose of your... well, you know. Do you even know how it works? Once upon a time people just dug a hole in the ground and left it at that. Now you use a significant amount of water to blast it into a vast series of underground tubes that take it to I-don't-even-fucking-know-where.
As your day goes on, you often access a machine that continually drains electricity- commonly created by burning our ever decreasing supply of fossil fuels many miles from you- to keep your food at a cool, sterile temperature. This used to just be achieved by putting things in a backroom without central heating to screw it all up, but our own slavery to convenience demands innovation to support itself.
You probably use other similar machines to heat up and cook your food quickly on demand, clean your clothes, wash your dishes and everything else besides. We even rely on our machines to tell us what time it is.
And you probably travel quite often in a highly complex heavy metal box on wheels that can if misused cause serious harm to others. And is more than likely only useful for travelling along specially-made surfaces (read: roads), which just so happen to be everywhere thanks to the hard work of people who like roads more than they like fields, forests and wildlife.
To any civilization pre-1900s having all or any of this would make me look like some sort of amazing wizard. Hell, there are still people in the world today who get by without any of it and maybe don't even know it all exists.
And yet, most of us who do use it all don't have a damn clue how any of it works. We just tell our robot slaves what we want, and then we have it.
And we've learned to depend on all these things, these things that nobody else ever had. This isn't some moral judgement. I'm exactly the same. It's an observation.
And here I am, telling you about it from an elaborate, complicated machine connected without a wire to an infinitely sized communications network and information database. I am putting this silly blog post into the greatest archive of information to have existed in all of human history. A network that can be accessed by anyone, from almost anywhere, to obtain any kind of information on anything they can imagine.
We have, at our fingertips and in the palms of our hands, the product of centuries of technological advancement and human achievement- we're at the endgame here, we have the means to all but instantaneously beam messages and information from anywhere to anywhere.We have in our hands the means to learn almost anything about anything. This is power, people. The most amazing power to ever exist.
And we use it... to do what? Share hundreds of pictures of your drunk self? Watch videos of cute puppies? Play videogames with irate strangers? Look at me, ranting about it.
We are a worthless bunch of ingrates who wield more power than we care to even try to understand, and have no idea where it comes from or what we can achieve with it.
I am living a life of pure decadent luxury built on the sweat and blood of centuries of hard-working men who achieved great things- right from the agricultural revolution all the way to the invention of social networking. And I do what to honour their efforts and sacrifices?
I sweep floors and upsell carbonated beverages. I'm a nobody, a background person that nobody, least of all the history books, gives a damn about.
And maybe that's all I'll ever be. That's true of many billions of now-dead people after all. But to not at least try to achieve something with all that I have been given would be an insult to the efforts of thousands of people who did so much more with so much less. And to those who never had the chance.
I am going to try. I will try to achieve something. I am going to fly, or I am going to burn trying. To quote a song from the creator of one of my favourite webcomics, at least Icarus didn't die of skin cancer.
Rant over.
Collector's Edition!
Y'know... in spite of all the "Collector's Editions" of videogames, that get released alongside their regular-edition counterparts, I've never actually met a collector of them.
A quick Amazon search for "Collector's Edition" reveals quite a few.
For instance, "Anno 2070 Collector's Edition". Given that this is a new franchise that nobody has seen anything from before... what kind of collector was this aimed at?
Collectors of Anno 2070 merchandise? Uh...
Collectors of rare videogames? Given that this can still be bought for the sum of £37 on Amazon it's hardly rare or valuable as rare videogames go, and these things are produced in such bulk that they never really would be.
The same search also takes me to "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13: Masters Collector's Edition". Um. This franchise has fans? Who'd fork out extra money for a couple of extra golf courses and maybe a fancy box? Ok I can see that golfers might have spare money for these sorts of things but aren't they the kinds of people who play real golf instead?
And to top it off I'm actually finding a pile of generic PC hidden-object shovelware crap in this search.
I mean, games like Star Wars: The Old Republic, I can understand. Star Wars is kind of a big deal and I can see people wanting to have a collection of stuff relating to it. Same with Batman. Or any established franchise.
But really, these people aren't thinking about "collectors". This is just a way to capitalise on peoples' urge to hoard trinkets and have everything in their game. Sometimes, it's a way to cut out some game content and sell it for more. Other times, it's a way to flog people an art book, a fancy box and a soundtrack CD that probably isn't all that good. Occasionally there's conscious effort but don't tell me this happens a lot, the bottom line is money.
But come on guys, does it have to be a "Collector's Edition" when you're not thinking about collectors? Can't we at least have a more honest name? Like, I dunno, "Overpriced Bullshit Edition".
Or "Premium Edition". Premium is a good, marketable word. Everything sounds better when it's PREMIUM. Seriously, stick the word "premium" before the name of any object or thing you like. It sounds a lot fancier and more alluring even though it actually only means "more expensive".
I think it fits well.
That is of course assuming these editions always have to exist. Which they don't.
EDIT: I was informed that Anno 2070 isn't actually a new franchise. Just one that basically nobody I know has ever talked about before. My point still stands though even if my example is wrong, there are new and unheard-of IPs that do this.
A quick Amazon search for "Collector's Edition" reveals quite a few.
For instance, "Anno 2070 Collector's Edition". Given that this is a new franchise that nobody has seen anything from before... what kind of collector was this aimed at?
Collectors of Anno 2070 merchandise? Uh...
Collectors of rare videogames? Given that this can still be bought for the sum of £37 on Amazon it's hardly rare or valuable as rare videogames go, and these things are produced in such bulk that they never really would be.
The same search also takes me to "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13: Masters Collector's Edition". Um. This franchise has fans? Who'd fork out extra money for a couple of extra golf courses and maybe a fancy box? Ok I can see that golfers might have spare money for these sorts of things but aren't they the kinds of people who play real golf instead?
And to top it off I'm actually finding a pile of generic PC hidden-object shovelware crap in this search.
I mean, games like Star Wars: The Old Republic, I can understand. Star Wars is kind of a big deal and I can see people wanting to have a collection of stuff relating to it. Same with Batman. Or any established franchise.
But really, these people aren't thinking about "collectors". This is just a way to capitalise on peoples' urge to hoard trinkets and have everything in their game. Sometimes, it's a way to cut out some game content and sell it for more. Other times, it's a way to flog people an art book, a fancy box and a soundtrack CD that probably isn't all that good. Occasionally there's conscious effort but don't tell me this happens a lot, the bottom line is money.
But come on guys, does it have to be a "Collector's Edition" when you're not thinking about collectors? Can't we at least have a more honest name? Like, I dunno, "Overpriced Bullshit Edition".
Or "Premium Edition". Premium is a good, marketable word. Everything sounds better when it's PREMIUM. Seriously, stick the word "premium" before the name of any object or thing you like. It sounds a lot fancier and more alluring even though it actually only means "more expensive".
I think it fits well.
That is of course assuming these editions always have to exist. Which they don't.
EDIT: I was informed that Anno 2070 isn't actually a new franchise. Just one that basically nobody I know has ever talked about before. My point still stands though even if my example is wrong, there are new and unheard-of IPs that do this.
Unknown Dreams and How to Chase Them
Lately, I've been thinking on an article posted this Monday by Magic: The Gathering head designer, Mark Rosewater.
He talked about how he wound up with his dream job without even realising it was his dream job, defined a dream job with a Venn diagram ("Stuff You Love to Do", "Stuff You're Good At", "Stuff Someone Will Pay You to Do".).
Basically, his point seemed to be, find something you like doing that someone could eventually pay you to do, and start doing it. Eventually you can get good at it.
Seeing as game design is something I've always been fascinated by, and board/card games seem a lot simpler and easier to make than videogames (why learn programming when you can just type stuff and print onto cardboard, eh?), I figure I'll give that a try.
I sent him a question via Tumblr, asking for affordable ways to print boards, custom dice and identical-backed cards. If anyone else has ideas on this though, I would appreciate.
Another pipedream I could potentially pursue is writing. I don't think I'm all too good at that (yet) but I've got ideas floating around in my head for things that would make for cool stories and settings. I'm not sure I'd enjoy an over-abundance of that for too long but it's something I don't MIND doing.
Now, there might be a way to combine the two.
I'm now trying to work out how some kind of story-driven boardgame could work. One that has a self-contained story that's somehow different each time you play it. I suppose a sort of multiplayer Choose Your Own Adventure book, but not a D&D-esque RPG that demands that kind of commitment.
Ideas are coming to me. We'll see.
Either way, I'm going to try and create interesting things and share them with people. Maybe, eventually, someone will hire me to do more of that. Or something. If that happens, I'll have an amazing job. If it doesn't, I'll have an enjoyable hobby. Either way I win, really.
He talked about how he wound up with his dream job without even realising it was his dream job, defined a dream job with a Venn diagram ("Stuff You Love to Do", "Stuff You're Good At", "Stuff Someone Will Pay You to Do".).
Basically, his point seemed to be, find something you like doing that someone could eventually pay you to do, and start doing it. Eventually you can get good at it.
Seeing as game design is something I've always been fascinated by, and board/card games seem a lot simpler and easier to make than videogames (why learn programming when you can just type stuff and print onto cardboard, eh?), I figure I'll give that a try.
I sent him a question via Tumblr, asking for affordable ways to print boards, custom dice and identical-backed cards. If anyone else has ideas on this though, I would appreciate.
Another pipedream I could potentially pursue is writing. I don't think I'm all too good at that (yet) but I've got ideas floating around in my head for things that would make for cool stories and settings. I'm not sure I'd enjoy an over-abundance of that for too long but it's something I don't MIND doing.
Now, there might be a way to combine the two.
I'm now trying to work out how some kind of story-driven boardgame could work. One that has a self-contained story that's somehow different each time you play it. I suppose a sort of multiplayer Choose Your Own Adventure book, but not a D&D-esque RPG that demands that kind of commitment.
Ideas are coming to me. We'll see.
Either way, I'm going to try and create interesting things and share them with people. Maybe, eventually, someone will hire me to do more of that. Or something. If that happens, I'll have an amazing job. If it doesn't, I'll have an enjoyable hobby. Either way I win, really.
Existential Tetris
I've been meaning to get back to posting here for a while. I've been busy.
One of the things that I've been busy with is regaining a Tetris addiction.
And I've been thinking that Tetris is a very deep and symbolic game. Likely in ways the designer(s) did not intend.
I'm going to assume that you, sitting there reading this, know how Tetris works. If not, go play Tetris until you do.
Tetris, you see, is an endless challenge. One does not "win" Tetris. You do not "finish" Tetris. You play until it finishes you. You can be winning at Tetris, you can be really damn obscenely good at Tetris, and perhaps you could keep playing for days, but even if you're just that good you can still be crushed by the statistically inevitable string of many Z-blocks that won't quite fill any line properly.
The point is not matter how good you are and how well you do eventually everything will pile up and overwhelm you and everything you did in that game will amount to nothing bar maybe a series of numbers as the "high score".
And yet the interesting thing is that despite this inevitability, you always come back for another go. Tetris is a hugely popular game, and people love to play it despite that they're doomed to lose.
Why do we do this? What do we hope to gain from playing out a story we already know the ending to?
We know where we're going, what's so great about going there?
Because it's fun. Life and Tetris have this in common, we know it's going to end but what really matters is enjoying it in the meantime. Really, it's the only thing that does matter. The only thing that even can matter.
Or to quote Derrial Book in Firefly, "how you get there is the worthier part.".
One of the things that I've been busy with is regaining a Tetris addiction.
And I've been thinking that Tetris is a very deep and symbolic game. Likely in ways the designer(s) did not intend.
I'm going to assume that you, sitting there reading this, know how Tetris works. If not, go play Tetris until you do.
Tetris, you see, is an endless challenge. One does not "win" Tetris. You do not "finish" Tetris. You play until it finishes you. You can be winning at Tetris, you can be really damn obscenely good at Tetris, and perhaps you could keep playing for days, but even if you're just that good you can still be crushed by the statistically inevitable string of many Z-blocks that won't quite fill any line properly.
The point is not matter how good you are and how well you do eventually everything will pile up and overwhelm you and everything you did in that game will amount to nothing bar maybe a series of numbers as the "high score".
And yet the interesting thing is that despite this inevitability, you always come back for another go. Tetris is a hugely popular game, and people love to play it despite that they're doomed to lose.
Why do we do this? What do we hope to gain from playing out a story we already know the ending to?
We know where we're going, what's so great about going there?
Because it's fun. Life and Tetris have this in common, we know it's going to end but what really matters is enjoying it in the meantime. Really, it's the only thing that does matter. The only thing that even can matter.
Or to quote Derrial Book in Firefly, "how you get there is the worthier part.".
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