Greg, Part One

There is an old man who lives on the end of the street. Greg is his name.
Greg used to have a small orchard in his garden. And not just any orchard, either. He had won many a prize for his delicious peaches, and grew many other impressive things besides.
Greg took a lot of pride in his garden. Despite that, he was nice enough that he always let the kids from the local orphanage come and help themselves to anything they wanted save for his prized peaches.
This arrangement worked well. The orphans were incredibly grateful to Greg, and he was glad of the extra company.
But, kids will be kids and the peace was short-lived. One day, Greg's grandson, Simon, came to visit. Simon saw a small boy and girl eating from the garden, and he told them all about how delicious his grandfather's award-winning peaches were.
They looked around, and picked one each, since nobody was watching. Or so they thought...
Just as Simon had said, they were the most delicious peaches the children had ever tasted.
Greg rushed out of his house and caught up to the children as they were leaving. He had told the rascals not to touch his peaches and they disobeyed! 
And so he dragged them both out of the garden, kicked the girl in the stomach, forbade them from returning and hired an armed guard to make sure that nobody enter his garden ever again.

And so all was well again, for a while.


To Be Continued...

Fuck You, Pigeons.

I have a basic understanding of what an ecosystem is. In a stable ecosystem, everything balances and keeps something else in check. If herbivores reproduce too much, the size of their population means they eat up all the edible plants in the region and all die out as a result. As such, there are predators, who hunt and eat the herbivores. A similar principle applies here for keeping THEIR population in check.
With oxygen and carbon dioxide, we humans convert one to the other by breathing and the plants and trees convert it back with photosynthesis. We do something for each other.
All this and more is part of a balanced ecosystem the stability of which everything depends on.
Every living thing (and many nonliving things) is part of an ecosystem, and most of the things I can think of, from microscopic organisms to the tallest giraffes and the heaviest whales, ultimately do something productive for it.

Except pigeons.

What the fuck do pigeons do for anything?
They eat the things we throw away, and they shit on the things we don't.
If you love something, and you keep it outdoors for long enough, it will inevitably be shat on by a pigeon.
That pigeon was likely just eating some breadcrumbs or something that you dropped the other week, too.
I seriously have no idea what pigeons actually do to benefit anyone or anything.

They are nature's most ungrateful freeloaders.

Fuck pigeons.

Anti-Piracy Is Evil, Or At Least Retarded.

I despise anti-piracy adverts. I despise pretty much everything to do with the notion of "fighting piracy".

No, I don't hate artists, writers, filmmakers or game designers. I want them to do well for themselves.

But the entire pirate witch hunt (and I mean it, that's what it's escalating into) seems to me so much worse. Not because of any kind of legal reason, but because it's just so fucking stupid. Most these people don't have a clue what they're talking about and the rest are just assholes.
Really, from DRM to most anti-piracy adverts, it all feels like an attack on the viewer's character and an accusation against their morality, even once you ignore the parts that are outright propaganda.
With DRM, you essentially accuse your entire market of being thieves- AFTER they've paid for the product. If a car dealer started doing exactly what game publishers do with DRM, he'd basically be hiring a guy to follow you home after you buy the car, to make sure you don't try any funny business like lending it to your non-car-owning sister or something. It does exactly fuck all to the real "thieves" and only inconveniences the paying customer.
And the anti-piracy adverts. The unskippable ones that run before DVDs, and films in cinemas?
Preaching to the converted. It's just glaring angrily at paying customers and saying "I've got my eye on you...". It's also fucking annoying. No, these people are not going to kill your industry any more than cassette tape recorders destroyed the music industry back in the '80s. As Gabe Newell said, "Piracy is a service problem.", and if people aren't paying full price to see your damn movie it's not because they want to kick you in the balls, it's because something else is deterring them. Perhaps it's your prices. Perhaps its the fact the movie sucks ass. Perhaps it IS your annoying, morally-accusing adverts- pirates can edit those out, you know.

In my entire film-watching, music-listening, game-playing "career" as a law-abiding consumer, I have exactly once seen a *good* example of anti-piracy measures (Valve notwithstanding).
It was an advert that played on a rental DVD I got from LoveFilm (speaking of which, how does the rental industry not hurt the film/game industry in the same way piracy and preowned supposedly do?).
It simply said, "By purchasing this DVD, you are supporting the UK Film Industry! THANK YOU!". I felt all warm and fuzzy and really did feel sad that the film was a rental rather than one I'd actually bought.

That's how it's done, people. Don't treat paying customers like shit because you need a scapegoat for your shoddy service. Thank those customers for their commitment and help.
Your customers are not beneath you, consumers are not livestock and they do not depend on you. Some of them are smart and most of them don't like being screwed around.
Be nice to them. Don't rip them off. Let them know you appreciate their business.
Put customer loyalty before excess profits and do business with a smile, a handshake and a bit of good old fashioned integrity.
Bad service is piracy's greatest advertisement.
Sometimes I swear I'm practically the only person in the world who understands how to run a gorram business. 

Aaand I'm done.

We Have Everything.

Sometimes I step back and look at just how much we have that we take for granted that our ancestors never dreamed of, and others in the world still don't have.

I remember, back in college, I was on an "Entry to Employment" course that, really, is geared toward dropouts and people who just don't know how to function in society. Or at least, that's what you'd deduce from most the students anyway. It was great- thanks to the magic of tax-payer-funded education incentives (read: EMA) I was actually getting paid for the simple enjoyable pleasure of being the smartest person in the room all day long. Even learned to cook chicken curry.
Anyway. One particular exercise saw everyone issued with Argos catalogues and told to furnish a 3-room bedsit (bedroom, kitchen, bathroom) on a £1000 budget. Assume there's already a cooker, shower and some cupboards. It was a simple enough exercise so long as your idea of budgeting is in roughly the same ballpark as "avoid the most expensive thing in the book".
I don't remember how many people in the class had an easy time with it (I challenge anyone to go do this for yourself, it's not all too hard). But I do remember one particular girl who insisted on picking out a medium-sized high-definition television priced at about half her budget. And, despite that this wasn't even a real situation, she stubbornly refused to be talked out of it because of how great it was. Naturally she couldn't stick to the budget. I just included a modestly-priced regular-definition TV, and with all else said and done still had enough budget left for a Gamecube bundle. (Entertainment is good but not as important as other things...)
This is a bit of an extreme example, for sure, but it really goes to show that people take a lot for granted.

Maybe we aren't all so crazy over our HDTVs (though I'm probably the only person I know who doesn't have one I'm sure many of you can exist without such a thing if the need arose) but nonetheless there are many things in our everyday lives that we think of as "essentials" and act with a degree of urgency over the loss of, that other people on this very planet will never own or see.

It became serious fucking business for half my family when the TV downstairs broke. If your refrigerator broke, you'd probably seek an immediate replacement because you just can't function for a week without it.

Just look at the sheer power that we, the First-World People wield in our everyday lives:
Right from the start of your day, you (usually) wake up wrapped in a warm bundle of fine blankets and sheets and such.
As you leave your bed, you probably enjoy the existence of central heating, which allows you to comfortably strut around all but naked when there's a foot of snow outside.
As you reach your bathroom you summon forth as much of Earth's most important resource- water- as you could possibly need and then some, not to mention adjusting the pressure and temperature of it to your exact preferences, only ever having it too hot or cold for a second or so.
You likely use yet more water to dispose of your... well, you know. Do you even know how it works? Once upon a time people just dug a hole in the ground and left it at that. Now you use a significant amount of water to blast it into a vast series of underground tubes that take it to I-don't-even-fucking-know-where.
As your day goes on, you often access a machine that continually drains electricity- commonly created by burning our ever decreasing supply of fossil fuels many miles from you- to keep your food at a cool, sterile temperature. This used to just be achieved by putting things in a backroom without central heating to screw it all up, but our own slavery to convenience demands innovation to support itself.
You probably use other similar machines to heat up and cook your food quickly on demand, clean your clothes, wash your dishes and everything else besides. We even rely on our machines to tell us what time it is.
And you probably travel quite often in a highly complex heavy metal box on wheels that can if misused cause serious harm to others. And is more than likely only useful for travelling along specially-made surfaces (read: roads), which just so happen to be everywhere thanks to the hard work of people who like roads more than they like fields, forests and wildlife.
To any civilization pre-1900s having all or any of this would make me look like some sort of amazing wizard. Hell, there are still people in the world today who get by without any of it and maybe don't even know it all exists.
And yet, most of us who do use it all don't have a damn clue how any of it works. We just tell our robot slaves what we want, and then we have it.
And we've learned to depend on all these things, these things that nobody else ever had. This isn't some moral judgement. I'm exactly the same. It's an observation.

And here I am, telling you about it from an elaborate, complicated machine connected without a wire to an infinitely sized communications network and information database. I am putting this silly blog post into the greatest archive of information to have existed in all of human history. A network that can be accessed by anyone, from almost anywhere, to obtain any kind of information on anything they can imagine.
We have, at our fingertips and in the palms of our hands, the product of centuries of technological advancement and human achievement- we're at the endgame here, we have the means to all but instantaneously beam messages and information from anywhere to anywhere.We have in our hands the means to learn almost anything about anything. This is power, people. The most amazing power to ever exist.

And we use it... to do what? Share hundreds of pictures of your drunk self? Watch videos of cute puppies? Play videogames with irate strangers? Look at me, ranting about it.
We are a worthless bunch of ingrates who wield more power than we care to even try to understand, and have no idea where it comes from or what we can achieve with it.

I am living a life of pure decadent luxury built on the sweat and blood of centuries of hard-working men who achieved great things- right from the agricultural revolution all the way to the invention of social networking. And I do what to honour their efforts and sacrifices?
I sweep floors and upsell carbonated beverages. I'm a nobody, a background person that nobody, least of all the history books, gives a damn about.
And maybe that's all I'll ever be. That's true of many billions of now-dead people after all. But to not at least try to achieve something with all that I have been given would be an insult to the efforts of thousands of people who did so much more with so much less. And to those who never had the chance.

I am going to try. I will try to achieve something. I am going to fly, or I am going to burn trying. To quote a song from the creator of one of my favourite webcomics, at least Icarus didn't die of skin cancer.

Rant over.

Collector's Edition!

Y'know... in spite of all the "Collector's Editions" of videogames, that get released alongside their regular-edition counterparts, I've never actually met a collector of them.

A quick Amazon search for "Collector's Edition" reveals quite a few.
For instance, "Anno 2070 Collector's Edition". Given that this is a new franchise that nobody has seen anything from before... what kind of collector was this aimed at?
Collectors of Anno 2070 merchandise? Uh...
Collectors of rare videogames? Given that this can still be bought for the sum of £37 on Amazon it's hardly rare or valuable as rare videogames go, and these things are produced in such bulk that they never really would be.
The same search also takes me to "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13: Masters Collector's Edition". Um. This franchise has fans? Who'd fork out extra money for a couple of extra golf courses and maybe a fancy box? Ok I can see that golfers might have spare money for these sorts of things but aren't they the kinds of people who play real golf instead?

And to top it off I'm actually finding a pile of generic PC hidden-object shovelware crap in this search.


I mean, games like Star Wars: The Old Republic, I can understand. Star Wars is kind of a big deal and I can see people wanting to have a collection of stuff relating to it. Same with Batman. Or any established franchise.
But really, these people aren't thinking about "collectors". This is just a way to capitalise on peoples' urge to hoard trinkets and have everything in their game. Sometimes, it's a way to cut out some game content and sell it for more. Other times, it's a way to flog people an art book, a fancy box and a soundtrack CD that probably isn't all that good. Occasionally there's conscious effort but don't tell me this happens a lot, the bottom line is money.
But come on guys, does it have to be a "Collector's Edition" when you're not thinking about collectors? Can't we at least have a more honest name? Like, I dunno, "Overpriced Bullshit Edition".
Or "Premium Edition". Premium is a good, marketable word. Everything sounds better when it's PREMIUM. Seriously, stick the word "premium" before the name of any object or thing you like. It sounds a lot fancier and more alluring even though it actually only means "more expensive".
I think it fits well.

That is of course assuming these editions always have to exist. Which they don't.


EDIT: I was informed that Anno 2070 isn't actually a new franchise. Just one that basically nobody I know has ever talked about before. My point still stands though even if my example is wrong, there are new and unheard-of IPs that do this.

Unknown Dreams and How to Chase Them

Lately, I've been thinking on an article posted this Monday by Magic: The Gathering head designer, Mark Rosewater.
He talked about how he wound up with his dream job without even realising it was his dream job, defined a dream job with a Venn diagram ("Stuff You Love to Do", "Stuff You're Good At", "Stuff Someone Will Pay You to Do".).
Basically, his point seemed to be, find something you like doing that someone could eventually pay you to do, and start doing it. Eventually you can get good at it.

Seeing as game design is something I've always been fascinated by, and board/card games seem a lot simpler and easier to make than videogames (why learn programming when you can just type stuff and print onto cardboard, eh?), I figure I'll give that a try.
I sent him a question via Tumblr, asking for affordable ways to print boards, custom dice and identical-backed cards. If anyone else has ideas on this though, I would appreciate.

Another pipedream I could potentially pursue is writing. I don't think I'm all too good at that (yet) but I've got ideas floating around in my head for things that would make for cool stories and settings. I'm not sure I'd enjoy an over-abundance of that for too long but it's something I don't MIND doing.
Now, there might be a way to combine the two.
I'm now trying to work out how some kind of story-driven boardgame could work. One that has a self-contained story that's somehow different each time you play it. I suppose a sort of multiplayer Choose Your Own Adventure book, but not a D&D-esque RPG that demands that kind of commitment.

Ideas are coming to me. We'll see.

Either way, I'm going to try and create interesting things and share them with people. Maybe, eventually, someone will hire me to do more of that. Or something. If that happens, I'll have an amazing job. If it doesn't, I'll have an enjoyable hobby. Either way I win, really.

Existential Tetris

I've been meaning to get back to posting here for a while. I've been busy.

One of the things that I've been busy with is regaining a Tetris addiction.
And I've been thinking that Tetris is a very deep and symbolic game. Likely in ways the designer(s) did not intend.
I'm going to assume that you, sitting there reading this, know how Tetris works. If not, go play Tetris until you do.

Tetris, you see, is an endless challenge. One does not "win" Tetris. You do not "finish" Tetris. You play until it finishes you. You can be winning at Tetris, you can be really damn obscenely good at Tetris, and perhaps you could keep playing for days, but even if you're just that good you can still be crushed by the statistically inevitable string of many Z-blocks that won't quite fill any line properly.
The point is not matter how good you are and how well you do eventually everything will pile up and overwhelm you and everything you did in that game will amount to nothing bar maybe a series of numbers as the "high score".
And yet the interesting thing is that despite this inevitability, you always come back for another go. Tetris is a hugely popular game, and people love to play it despite that they're doomed to lose.

Why do we do this? What do we hope to gain from playing out a story we already know the ending to?
We know where we're going, what's so great about going there?

Because it's fun. Life and Tetris have this in common, we know it's going to end but what really matters is enjoying it in the meantime. Really, it's the only thing that does matter. The only thing that even can matter.
Or to quote Derrial Book in Firefly, "how you get there is the worthier part.".

A Legend from the Internet.

Gather round, children. Tonight, Uncle Carl has a story to tell you. Nay, not just a story, but a legend! Have you heard the epic tale of the one they call... LeetMan75?

It was a time of great darkness. Darkness so great it was known as.... the dark ages! Over four thousand years ago, when mankind was not predator... but prey. Prey to the fire-breathing dragons that flew above and decimated towns! Dragons that kidnapped daughters and princesses, razing villages in short evenings! Bold heroes stood up to face them, and were promptly eaten alive.
This was the way of the world for many centuries, until one day, when along came.... THE INTERNET. And so it was that after decades of hardship, Abraham Lincoln picked up sword and Wikipedia page in the name of this mighty nation, and led a crusade to wipe out the evil dragons forever...

BUT! No man can stand alone on such a crusade. Fortunately, he was backed, not only by his Twitter followers, but by THE FULL MIGHT OF HOLY FACEBOOK. At his command, the forces of the Internet reposed status message after status message, increasing dragon awareness across all the world! And by this supreme power, Lincoln brought his crusade to the very lair of the Dragon Queen herself!

As Abe Lincoln plunged his spear into her burning heart, ending the Dark Ages and setting free Humanity once and for all, a great hero beside him did raise his fists into the sky, and bellowed a mighty cry of "FIRST!", which would resonate across the Internet for all time! And that hero's name was... LeetMan75!

Never may you forget that name, children, for LeetMan75's cry of "FIRST!" was not only the first recorded "FIRST!" in history, but was in response to a major historical event. And it doesn't stop there- he went on to achieve a lifetime record of 82 verified "FIRST!"s (including a thread celebrating his 50th "FIRST!" and later an article about the invention of the lightbulb), with a top consecutive streak of 14, making him indisputably the greatest "FIRST!"er in history.

LeetMan75: History's first, and greatest, "FIRST!"er. Today marks another anniversary of his "FIRST!"ing career and so we honour him for his outstanding contributions to humanity.
We salute you, LeetMan75.

Well, now I've seen EVERYTHING.

A My Little Pony episode about capitalism, the free market, and the evils of poor quality control.

Here is a link. (Note if at some point in the future the link doesn't work, you're looking for MLP Friendship is Magic, Season 2 Episode 15 "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000".)

I don't care if you normally like the show or not. Just watch this episode, it really is amazing. I was thinking of making a post about the show as a whole and why it's actually pretty good but then this episode happened and that's what I want to talk about. And I talk about whatever I want to talk about, because this is my blog and fuck you.

If for some reason you can't watch it or don't want to, here's a summary:

- Applejack and her family are making a good living selling apple cider, but mostly due to high standards of quality, they can't even produce nearly enough supply to satisfy demand.
- Enter the brothers Flim and Flam, with both a fancy cider-making machine and a fantastic song in the same style as the classic "Monorail" song from The Simpsons.
- Granny Smith, Applejack's grandma, is sceptical. Perhaps because she's an advocate of tradition, she says there's no way a machine can match the same care that goes into the hand (or hoof)-made stuff.
- Flim and Flam show her the machine's quality control system that automatically rejects bad apples, and then proceed to make a nothing-short-of-extortionate partnership offer to the Apple family, which is quickly rejected.
- In the end they agree to a contest the next day, in which whoever produces the most cider in one hour gains exclusive cider-selling rights in Ponyville. Granny Smith lets Flim and Flam use one of her family's orchards for the apples they'll need, despite that losing the cider business will (somehow) force them to close down their farm.
- During the contest, Flim and Flam's machine is clearly outclassing the Apple family's old-fashioned methods, until Twilight Sparkle and co offer their help (which AJ accepts- not sure if that's inconsistent writing or logical character development) and start producing cider much faster.
- Flim and Flam suddenly realise they may actually lose the contest, and start tuning up their machine- it's not just  taking in apples now, but whole trees! When this still isn't enough, in their bid to gain a monopoly they disable the quality control system and start letting both good and rotten apples into their cider.
- Flim and Flam win the contest. Applejack and family walk away in shame. However, once they start trying to actually sell their cider, it turns out to be disgusting. The crowd, who were previously in favour of Flim and Flam due to the promise of enough cider for everyone, are now angry because they produced something that they don't want to pay for.
- Flim and Flam can't sell their cider and leave town, leaving the Apple family free to take back their business, and now with enough of their own cider to go around.

Now. I'm not sure what I think of the writers using the show to sell their political viewpoints to six-year-olds, but it's not like this sort of thing hasn't happened before, and we could argue that FiM has always been teaching kids about morality and friendship anyway, where exactly do we draw the line between "stuff kids should always know" and "stuff that's just the writer's opinion"? Do we unanimously agree that modern corporations are bad and tradition-oriented family businesses are good? 
It worries me that I'm not sure I can speak for everyone when I say that this episode's message is a good one. I'm not sure I like when kids' shows try to touch on larger real-world issues, and one day I think this practice is going to spread and someone will touch on something not everyone is ok with.

I suppose at least it does teach a viewpoint that I can agree with- corporate monopolies are evil, a free competitive market is best for everyone and the consumer should be treated with respect.

The funny thing is, this show actually only exists so that Hasbro can sell toys. Go figure.

SOPA: The Final Boss of the Internet.

I don't like discussing political issues.
I usually don't give half a damn what a bunch of self-important folks in ties spend their work hours arguing over at the taxpayer's expense. Funding, legislation, taxes, environmental initiatives, I leave all these kinds of things things to people who understand these things better than me. Because I don't give half a damn.

But then I start hearing about this "SOPA" thing in the US.
If you don't know what it is, this makes a good introduction: 

So. What happens if this passes? Well, I'm not a time traveller, I don't know politics, I don't understand intellectual property law... but I do know the internet.
And we need to understand the internet to understand SOPA.
To some people, "the internet" is just Facebook, an internet subscription is essentially a license to spam people with duck-faced pouty-lip bathroom-mirror pictures and as much as I despise these people, even they will feel the effects of SOPA.
To others, the internet is a research tool. Sites like Wikipedia or even Google allow you to have more or less all human knowledge at your fingertips- thanks to the internet we live in an age where information is free and anyone can just go study up on any damn subject they want, without needing to pay for tuition or have knowledgeable friends. Yep, SOPA will ruin that too. If we allow information to become regulated like this, then knowledge will become a rare commodity, ignorance will run rampant and many serious issues will eventually go un-discussed because nobody knows about them.
To more people, the internet is a career. Not just for the huge corporations who hire one or two people to market things online. Not just for people like Mark Zuckerberg who own multi-million dollar websites. Not just them, but thousands upon thousands of writers, critics, bloggers, webcomic artists, cartoonists, comedians, web game designers, musicians and many more people who add content to the internet. I'm a huge fan of many people whose careers depend on the internet- let's look at some:

Bob "MovieBob" Chipman reviews movies and talks about interesting nerd things on The Escapist. The Escapist pays him and people like him to create content to make their website interesting.. It was a comment in one of MovieBob's videos that inspired me to make a blog, and I aim to be like him. Of course because of the nature of his job, copyrighted materials make up a large majority of his subject matter. You can't review a movie without talking about it and you can't talk about anything you're passionate about without, you know, mentioning it. (Remember, even "Could Superman beat up Darth Vader?" is a discussion of copyrighted material.)
If SOPA passes, this man's whole career can and will end because of it.

On a similar note, The Escapist also introduced me to the LoadingReadyRun crew- these guys have been running an online sketch comedy show since even before YouTube and established several entertaining shows for various websites since. Not only are they some of the greatest comedians of our time- whose work would never even have existed were it not for the internet- but they also started "Desert Bus for Hope"- an amazing annual fundraiser that now raises significant six-figure sums of money for Child's Play- a charity that supports childrens' hospitals.
I should add that Child's Play itself is largely if not entirely dependant on the internet, because they were originally brought to public attention by Gabe and Tycho- the co-authors of massive webcomic Penny Arcade and have over time become the go-to "gamer's charity".
If SOPA passes, LoadingReadyRun, Desert Bus and Penny Arcade will all shut down and its creators rendered jobless.

Hank and John Green (the VlogBrothers) make videos for YouTube. It started as an experiment whereby they spent a year communicating entirely via four-minute videos and from it they've created not just a career but a massive global community of people not only sharing ideas but raising funds for charity and doing more good in the world than a lot of registered charities. These are people who raised the money to charter five planes full of medical supplies to Haiti. These are people who host regular charity drives, stand up for everyone's rights and build wells in third world countries. These are the people that melt away a lot of my normal cynicism by reminding me that there is still good in humanity.
If SOPA passes, not only will the careers of the VlogBrothers be wrecked, the principles of everything they built up and stood for over the years will be destroyed.

What I'm trying to show here is that now, in the 21st century, the internet isn't just a research tool or a communication medium or even a career maker. It's a whole way of life.
It's a culture- not even just one culture but several. The internet is like a whole other country, just not geographically.
And SOPA stands poised to destroy it- to create an age where the corporations have absolute power over what does and doesn't get to exist. Corporations, I might add, that don't like competitors. Corporations that care about little more than their profit margins, and who time and time again have taken cheap shortcuts, provided shoddy or even dangerous service and support, and had the nerve to even blame the consumer for their own shortcomings. Do we really want to give these people serious power over our everyday lives?

I owe the internet. For friends I've made, for things I've learned, for college assignments I've passed, for music I've found, for games I've played... I owe the internet.
And so do you.
Yes you, reading this.
Every single one of us who benefits from free speech on the internet in any way- whether you've made a friend online or you've discovered a band on YouTube or you've read a review of a game or even if you've played Minecraft... the internet has given you something. Now, it is our duty to defend it.

If you're in the US, write to your politicians and congressmen and whatever else. Tell them what the internet has done for you that SOPA would destroy. If you're outside the US, like myself, just do what you can to raise awareness. The more attention this gets, the more likely it is that the internet-ignorant old men in US Congress will be forced to second-guess themselves.

If we don't defend free speech here, then what we will get in the long run is far worse than the Orwellian nightmare. Because it won't even be a government dictating what you think and say. It will be a board of directors and their shareholders.

Over-analysing Monopoly.

Ah, Monopoly. A staple boardgame of the stereotypical white middle-class household. We all know roughly how to play it, but how many people stop and actually think about how it works?

In a typical game of Monopoly, the average property will not pay out as much as it cost to buy, unless you collect its respective set and develop it to the point of having at least two or three houses, in which case recuperating your entire investment still relies on other players landing on it several times, but is actually possible.

Which means that from a purely business standpoint, buying any of the coloured properties on the Monopoly board is a terrible investment. Albeit still a necessary one. I'll get to that in a bit.
Actually, I made a few estimates and concluded that collecting both utilities (electric company/water works) probably offers the most favourable house-less cost/effort:profit ratio over the course of a game. Once you have both, you make ten times the current die roll from whoever lands on it, and seeing as the set costs 300 total you should recuperate that pretty quickly, assuming people roll at least 5 before landing on it (especially since both properties are on the more traversed side of the infamous "Go to Jail" spot).
We could argue that the station set is better than the utilities- it's certainly the more sought after one- but while it's lucrative, you still need to invest 600 (three stations) before you'll really start seeing returns on it.
This is not counting trading for properties with other players, which skews prices a lot. In my limited experience though this only inflates the price.

The really interesting thing about Monopoly though is that making investments that look terrible on the surface is actually an essential move. Have you ever tried playing Monopoly without ever buying anything? Me neither. Because you'll inevitably lose money. As other players scoop up these poor investments quickly you'll be left with no recurring income of your own beyond the "Passing Go" money, and while you could theoretically out-last some players as they liquidate each other, you'll slowly bleed money until eventually that last opponent will pile out hotels onto half the board and we know what happens next.
So, the only viable strategy is to buy properties that will more than likely not pay out until you collect the full set, which smart opponents will also try to stop you from doing. 
Obviously then, the real strategy in the game- because where you land isn't possible to control- comes from how you choose your properties and how you bargain with other players. Do you want to only collect one or two specific sets and save your money otherwise? I don't like this strategy, because if someone else gets that last piece of your chosen set then they have a lot of leverage over your game. They can ruin you entirely. When it works though, you get to spend a lot of money on upgrading your properties and (hopefully) making your money back.
Personally, I like to buy every unowned property I land on. It's a risky strategy that leaves me with very little spare change. I like my utilities and stations, but beyond those I'll usually have pieces of quite a few sets, ready to trade and barter with other players and capitalise on the ones nobody else is bothering with. I'm still not sure if this is a good idea yet, but it does help me to be flexible and I collect a lot of small rent payments early on.

Beyond this decision, it's important to look at how much you can make back per house you buy on your sets-  typically you won't start seeing substantial amounts of your initial costs back unless you can get about three houses per property, and even then you have to build up evenly so I'm not sure.
A lot of the time, the game isn't so much about gaining the most money as it is losing the least. Eventually there'll only be one player who isn't bankrupt and they'll usually wind up owning most of everything.
Which brings us right around to the name of the game, the reason it was created and the increasingly relevant message it bears.

All in all I like how Monopoly is set up and I can't help but wonder how much of this complexity- from the set bonuses to the rent prices- was deliberate design made with full knowledge of how much strategic thinking a player can actually put into it. Monopoly is a remarkably complex game considering how many people who don't consider themselves "nerds" still own it and know how to play it and to an extent the lessons it can teach are as useful in real life as in the game.

Not bad for a game that was originally published the best part of a century ago. The folks responsible for all of this were nothing short of brilliant.

Damn, now I feel like playing Monopoly. Anyone up for it?

Used Games and the Industry

It seems to be a growing trend on the internet to shun and attack people who buy second hand videogames. Why is this?
Apparently, us used buyers hate game developers. We exist for the purpose of bankrupting the people who make nice things that we pay money for. Or at least, we're apathetic enough that we don't care if they go hungry just so we can save a few pennies buying games cheaper than retail price.
Where did this belief come from? At a guess, I'd say the major publishers started it. At the very least they definitely propagate it. Unhappy with the size of their already lucrative profit margins, the corporate giants decided to crack down on people who aren't giving money directly to them, by cutting content from games and releasing one-use codes with new copies to get that content online. It's like if a car manufacturer put a thumbprint scanner on their in-car stereos just so that people who didn't buy the car directly from them can't use it. And just like that comparison, the lengths these publishers go to so they can lock people out of part of their product is not only an expense to them but an inconvenience to the consumer, in an age when convenience is one of the most marketable things in the world.
So to them, people buying used games rather than new is a "problem". Or at least, a threat to their gargantuan profit margins.

Ignoring the fact that the preowned market and the major publishers, not to mention the huge rental industry, have all thrived and grown for well over a decade without destroying each other, let's assume there actually is a "problem".

Why do we buy preowned? Personally, I rely on them as a way of catching up with older games I missed (of which there are many).  People who aren't me rely on trade-in credit from their old games. And some of us just can't afford the stupidly high prices that are demanded for brand new titles these days.
If we assume that these people are genuinely unwilling or unable to pay full price for games then if anything this continual resale of games is nothing if not profitable to the publisher once you realise how paid downloadable content works and add in the always important yet unmeasurable value of brand image and how it makes people more inclined to pay more money in future.
Brand image is more valuable than money, folks. Being able to get a high quality product cheap makes people more inclined to buy the next one for more.

But the burden of blame- if there is anything to blame for- is not on the player for wanting to resell his used goods or buy things cheaply- any halfway decent businessman will tell you that you should sell unwanted assets and buy things cheaper when you can, so I'm not going to defy these ideas just to fill the pockets of someone who would do the exact same thing.
 Let's pretend we want to "solve" the "problem". To do that, we need to understand it.
Why does the preowned market exist? Where do used games come from? Obviously, they come from the people trading them in. Why do people trade games in? Because the money or store credit they can get for them outweighs their desire to still own the game.
In other words, if a game is being sold preowned, it's because at some point between it being bought new and ending up on the shelf in front of you, someone decided they no longer wanted to own it.
If within a week of releasing a game, a substantial percentage of the people who bought it are filled with a burning desire to be rid of it, then there is probably something wrong with the product.

Now hold tight because I'm about to propose a solution that will rock worlds and blow minds.
What if someone released a game that was so well made, that people wanted to actually own it for more than a weekend? What if people bought that game, and they liked it enough to not only play it for more than a day, but to put it up on their shelf afterwards with the intention of playing it again in the future?
Once upon a time games like this were made. You may call them holy grails or ancient relics of a golden age long past. I call them "decent games". If you were to take but a single step into my room, then as you gazed upon my shelves you would see many examples of games, not only weeks but years old, that I once bought and never traded in. Games that were never sold on to other players at the expense of a new copy. Games that were so good that I actually hold onto them by choice. Games I like owning, that I keep so as I may later re-play them. Games that mean far more to me than the trade-in credit I could get for them.
Oh, and Spyhunter 2. I keep that out of circulation as a public service. Call it first-world humanitarianism.
But I digress.
If more games were released that people would be anything better than ashamed to own, preowned sales of those games (for the first several months anyway) would drop dramatically and new sales would be forced to take their place.

Publishers shouldn't blame customers for terrible sales. Customers should blame publishers for terrible games.


This is Carl, still looking for a catchy sign-off.

Step 1 complete.

Step 0: Procrastinate indefinitely (DONE)
Step 1: Create Blog (DONE)
Step 2: Procrastinate more (IN PROGRESS)
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Blog.